How to buy a drink for a stranger at the bar

It’s a funny time to be a guy on the dating scene. Courting rituals such as those conducted over dinner, or a blind date set up by a friend of a friend, no longer run the game. Instead, the social hubs of the city are illuminated by a ghostly blue glow, thrumming with the pulses of fingertips pressing, swiping and tapping their way into pseudo-intimate connections.

And, thanks to this technological revolution, something as simple as sending a drink to a stranger across a bar has become a move reserved only for scenes in James Bond films and Mills & Boon novels. To this, we say more’s the pity. Sure, Hinge is great for the person seeking a flight of fancy (see also: a quicker route), but there’s a certain romance in the old ways.

With this in mind, we have curated a failsafe, step-by-step guide to executing this opening move – without falling into the trap of becoming at best quaint, or at worst downright creepy.

1. Assess the situation

Like anyone traversing hard-to-navigate scenarios, survival in a crowded city bar will rely on your sharpened instincts and keen assessment of the environment.

If you see someone that catches your eye, examine their situation. If they are clearly otherwise engaged, bide your time. If they are already on their way to being on the wrong side of tipsy, then beeline elsewhere.

And if they’re clearly on a date? No one likes a gatecrasher.

2. Eye contact

They are the windows to the soul – and, more importantly here, any sneaked-in looks from them may signal a degree of interest, offering up a positive indication that you should send something over.

3. Decide on a drink

Show that you’re attentive by ordering another round of what they already clearly enjoy. (Perhaps allowing for an exception if their last round was a night-starting double shot.)

If they clearly are not drinking alcohol, just send something booze-free but still interesting. The options are plentiful these days.

4. Subtly order

Nobody likes a show-off, and a gent who makes a song and dance out of ordering for a stranger runs a seriously high risk of seeming arrogant or (worse) as though he is taking part in a stag-do dare.

Similarly, make your motives too clear and the person you are buying for will cotton on to your intentions, somewhat ruining the surprise.

Stay calm and collected as you request the order, and let the person behind the bar take care of the rest.

5. Keep your cool

Ask the bartender to point you out upon delivery, before offering an understated acknowledgment – a small wave will suffice, as will a small toast of your own drink.

Don’t be put off if you aren’t instantly offered a beaming, grateful smile from across the bar – the recipient is likely to be a little surprised at first.

6. Smile

You’ve made your move, so now’s the time for a friendly smile. Try not to overthink it, just glance over and smile as if you’ve seen someone you recognise.

Avoid any further signals at this point, to ensure you aren’t coming on a little too strong.

7. Confidently approach

This step comes with a disclaimer: do not approach a person at the bar who has not indicated that they want the exchange going any further.

If, however, they seem keen to get to know the gift-giver, then walk over and do not succumb to the fear you might be making a mistake – it’s too late to run back now.

8. No chat-up lines

Enough said.

9. Order another

If you have followed all these steps diligently, made your way to the other side of the bar and entered into a delightful, free-flowing conversation, then it’s time to make the next move.

The key here is to offer another drink before ordering. This will allow your companion to politely say no without feeling too much pressure. It might also allow them to offer paying for the next one, which may be a more comfortable exchange for them.

10. Know when to quit

This piece of advice relies on you having a pretty accurate radar when it comes to reading the signals of the person sat across from you. As a basic rule, if they’re repeatedly checking their phone, regularly scanning the room, or making vague, abstract reasons for taking their leave, then it’s time to cut your losses and say a polite goodbye.

There’s always next Friday night.